Xi Jinping drank all of my Coca-Cola

I can't believe this is happening. I'm still shaking.

Today as I was meeting my daily fedpost quota on the commie stinkhole known as Hexbear, I noticed a Chinese spy slowly creeping up through my kitchen plughole. He didn't seem phased that my keenly trained eyes had caught him. That's when I noticed that it was none other than Chairman Xi Jinping himself! He laughed, minced over to my desk and took my McDonalds(TM) cup (Monopoly edition (TM)) that I'd been drinking my Coca-Cola(TM) out of that evening. He drank it in front of me in a show of dominance. But I kept my cool, it will take more than the most evil man alive staring me down to break this former Navy Seals nerve.

As we all know, China is an evil communist dystopia that doesn't have the same freedoms and luxuries, like Coca-Cola(TM), that we in the West take for granted. So it's no surprise that as he drunk the Coke(TM) his eyes widened and he began to cry.

"Mr American patriot, sir," He managed to say inbetween sobs, "What is this amazing taste?"

"That's just Coca-Cola (TM). It's a common drink here in the free world." I replied, shaking my head at this pathetic display.

"You don't understand. If my people catch wind of this, I'm finished! We have nothing like this in China. It would take our communist scientists 1000 years to invent something half as delicious. How are you capitalist pigs able to make this drink? and so affordable too?" Xi wailed.

"Something communists could never understand," I said wistfully, "Freedom. Yes. The freedom to put dangerously unhealthy and addictive chemicals in a drink, and to use slave labour and wage theft to keep prices low."

Xi couldn't hear me, he was already frantically rummaging through my fridge, cracking open any Coca-Cola(TM) he could find and sucking it through his disgusting commie maw as fast as he could. More and more and more. He was like a man possessed. I have never seen one person drink so much. He kept at it for hours, I was scared that if I tried to stop him, that would be violating the free market, so I just stood and stared, mouth agape, mentally wondering how much I should charge him for all of this theft and damage.

Eventually his now bloated body fizzed, sagged, and sloshed to the floor.

The Dictator of China was dead.

The doctors say his weak commie body couldn't handle the vast quantities of corn syrup.

Let this ordeal be a lesson to us all. Communism kills.